Monday, August 3, 2009

Day Of The Dead (2008 Remake) Review


This film offended me as a Romero fan, this film offended me a zombie movie fan and this film offended me as a human being. This film was so terrible, in fact, that it inspired me to write my first ever IMDB review.

I will start off by saying that I'm not even sure how this can be called a "remake" of the original Dawn Of The Dead. I don't see how this could be called a "re-imagining" of the film either, for that matter....

The original film starts off in a post-apocalyptic world. The dead have been rising from their graves to eat the flesh of the living for some time now for an unknown reason. In an almost "Omega Man" theme, the characters of the film fear they are the last humans alive on earth. They live together in an underground military bunker as three distinct groups of people in general disharmony with each other - the scientists who wish to understand the problem, the soldiers, who wish to destroy the problem and the civilians who simply wish to enjoy whatever bit of their life is left to enjoy.

Much of the conflict in the film, in fact, involves the characters interactions with each other rather than their interaction with the zombies. The original Dawn Of The Dead had a very bleak, claustrophobic atmosphere to it that is responsible for it being my favourite of Romero's "Dead" films. The vast majority of the film takes place in the military bunker, as it is the only refuge from the carnage surrounding them. They leave only to gather the dead as "specimens" for scientific study and to look for survivors.

This "remake" has none of this. None. The film starts at the beginning of the outbreak, for one. Also, a reason for this outbreak is later given in the film. The outbreak is also contained to one city for the duration of the film, it is not world-wide. While they do end up in an underground military bunker, it is only toward the end of the film. The rest of it they are running all over the place and there are people all over the city, completely missing the themes and indeed, the entire basis of the original. There are scientists, zombies and soldiers - but their function in the plot is completely changed. The true enemies are not the other people in this one, it's definitely the zombies.

They did bring back the idea of the "sympathetic" zombie, Bub, however he is not been "tamed" like in the original - Instead he is docile and non-threatening because, get this: he was a vegetarian during his life. They then explain that he kept this trait through becoming one of the undead. Hearing this made me feel like I was going to cry. It was THE most terrible concept I have ever witnessed unfold in cinema. - And I'm a huge fan "so bad it's good" B grade horror.

As far as I'm concerned, this film is a remake in title only. Nothing else has any more in common with Day Of The Dead than it does with any other zombie film. In my honest opinion, naming the film this was a shameless, almost criminal attempt at a cash-grab. They were hoping to sucker in poor die-hard horror fans like myself, who would feel almost "obliged" to see such a remake if it were made.

Wow. I can't believe I've made it this far into my criticism of this being called a remake without mentioning "running zombies". Believe me, that really hurt too - But the Dawn Of The Dead remake was guilty of this crime, too... And as much as I hate to admit it, that remake wasn't all that bad. So I'll leave my zombie elitism out of this.

If this film was not marketed as a remake of Day Of The Dead, it would have fared considerably better among critics and fans alike.... However, that's not to say that this movie wasn't terrible as yet another 28 Days Later clone, either...

The acting was god-awful with the exception of (maybe) Mena Suvari. Stale lines, even more stale delivery.

Nick Cannon's role as Salazar was tasteless. He provided a "token black character" for the film in that he was given such stereotypical one-liners that they verged on outright racism... How many times do we need to hear a black character say the "Man, that's some (fill-in-the-blank) shit, right there!" line in a film until it's not funny anymore?
My personal favourite was when, in response to someone saying they were a doctor, Salazar said "Maan.. Ain't nobody here wanna hear that CSI bullshit!".
I was honestly speechless.
I find such a stereotypical portrayal of an African-American character kind of ironic in this film, being that Romero's Night Of The Living Dead was one of the first mainstream films to give the lead "hero" role to a black man.

The film overall, while extremely fast-paced, somehow managed to loose my attention consistently throughout. I found myself struggling to pay attention just so I could write this review to warn you people.
In the world of zombie films, this one honestly makes "Children Of The Living Dead" look like "Zombi 2".

Saturday, July 25, 2009

The Future Of Language

I fear the English language is slowly deteriorating due to text messaging and social networking sites like Twitter or Facebook.
I am calling this now: Within 100 years, our language will have degenerated into an ugly hodgepodge of acronyms, shorthand and netspeak.

You see, people often forget that language is a rather fluid thing. It's constantly evolving. It wasn't until about the 18th century that the spelling of individual words even became standardized. New words and new definitions for words are constantly being added to our vernacular.

As words and their spellings become more widespread, they are often added to our dictionary. Our language follows us and not vice versa. Here are some examples:
  • "Amuse" comes from the Latin root "muser", meaning "to stare stupidly". At one time to "amuse" someone meant not to entertain them, but to stupefy them.
  • "Nice" comes from the Latin root "nescius" and originally meant something akin to "ignorant"
  • "Artificial" originally meant "full of artistic or technical skill"
  • (More examples)
Because of this, it is a very real possibility (and a very terrifying one) that in the future we will see "lol", "ily" or "noob" enter our dictionaries. We will see punctuation marks slowly grow out of common usage (The Shorter Oxford English Dictionary has already eliminated the use of hyphens in many words)

As a wannabe poet, I've always attached a certain romanticism to language. I feel in it's proper written form, English is almost as beautiful as tits. This is why I make it a point to painstakingly enter every last apostrophe in every text message I send via cell phone. This takes me forever and people call me ridiculous for it, but I call them the cancer that is eating away at our language.

~Kyle

My Blog's Cherry Popped

Hello there!
I have decided that my desperate need for a hobby should be satiated by starting my very own blog. Is there any money in this shit? I certainly hope so.

Regardless of possible monetary gain, I intend to (assuming my attention span allows this):
  • Bombard you with my rants about politics, drugs, conspiracies, philosophy, social ills, deep fried food etc.
  • Write film reviews (probably mostly relating to Italian giallo, cannibal and zombie films)
  • Show off my poetry
  • Post semi-regular updates about the music I write
  • Perhaps upload *cough* non-copyrighted (lol) music and video, giving you a reason to actually come here.
  • Provide you with many lulz
Here's to hoping I actually write these things, and people actually read it.

~Kyle